


Please Don't Leave

by regionalatbest



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Video Blogging & YouTube RPF
Genre: M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phandom - Freeform, YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-12
Updated: 2013-08-12
Packaged: 2017-12-23 06:58:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/923322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regionalatbest/pseuds/regionalatbest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan just wants to give up</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please Don't Leave

Please Don’t Leave

Dan feels like shit. He doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing with his life and that scares the shit out of him and last week he just decided that he wasn’t going to take his exam and while Phil seemed like he was fine with it Dan knew that he wasn’t. He knew that he was disappointed and thought less of him–even if he wouldn’t say it–and that scared Dan even more because he had become so fucking dependent on Phil over the last two years that just the thought of Phil leaving him or them ending it scared the shit out of him. Telling Phil that he wasn’t taking the exam had been on impulse, he hadn’t thought about it–well at least he hadn’t thought about telling Phil, the idea of taking a year out and resitting the exam the following August had been in the back of his mind for months–it had just happened. And Phil had been wonderful and helpful and talked him though that night, and in the morning when Dan just wanted to stay in bed all day and not do anything Phil got him up and out of bed and they went down to his university and got it all settled. Dan thinks that Phil knows that he won’t ever go back, that he’s out for good, and Dan thinks he knows that too. But just the thought of being a dropout, just the idea of having that label makes him cringe and want to lay in bed all day and cry. So he doesn’t think about it and him and Phil don’t bring it up and it’s good. It’s fine.

Telling Phil that he was taking a year out was an ideal experience. But Dan knew that not everyone would be like that, he knew that eventually he would have to tell his parents and that they would be less than pleased. He put it off as long as he could, let too many calls go to voicemail and left too many texts unanswered, but two weeks after the exam Phil told him that he had waited long enough and if he put it off any longer they would start threatening to come up there. So he called them up and curled into Phil’s side as he explained that no, his resit hadn’t gone well, in fact it hadn’t gone at all. And that yes, he did know that taking a year out was risky and that he should really get his education but he told them that he didn’t know what he was doing so this was a good chance to think these things though. In the end they got it, they really did and Dan hung up and sighed into Phil’s side.

“I’m so glad that’s over.” Dan said.

“See, the worst is done, it’s all easy from here on out.” Phil replied, wrapping his arms around Dan and pulling him in tighter.

“Still have to tell my subscribers.” Dan mumbled.

“Why? We already don’t tell them about us, why not just keep this to ourselves too? It’s only for a year, it wouldn’t be that hard.”

“Because I feel bad enough keeping this from them,” Dan said gesturing to him and Phil, “I don’t want to keep anything else major, I want to be honest with my subscribers.”

“Then tell them, I’ll support you no matter what okay?”

“You’re too good for me, you know that?”

“I’d beg to differ but I know there’s really no use, you’ll never see yourself as I see you.”

“See that’s just the point! You see me as some amazing person for God knows what reason and it’s not true Phil! It’s not true!” Dan yelled getting up from his spot next to Phil, he started pacing as he continued, “I’m not amazing or wonderful or any of the other things that you think I am. I’m stupid and I can’t do anything right, hell I can’t even pass my first year of university without having to resit my exams, and I have no fucking clue what I’m doing with the rest of my life. And now I’m throwing some sort of fit over having to tell my subscribers that I’m taking a year out when it doesn’t even matter because it’s not like I ever upload! I could go months, hell the rest of the year, without uploading and it’s not like any of them would notice! They’re not my fans, they’re yours and they just started watching me out of pity because they felt bad because I didn’t have any subscribers.” By this point Dan had started to cry. “I should just quit. I should just quit YouTube because it’s not like it’s going anywhere and no one will notice, I fucking suck and it’s a surprise that I have this many subscribers to begin with and they won’t care. I’ll just go back to uni and get a law degree and get some dead-end job but at least then I’ll know that I’m not a failure.” Dan finished.

“Dan, I want you to come sit down and take a deep breath and think this through before you make anymore big decisions, how about we just relax and watch some TV, I’ll make some tea and it’ll be okay. We can talk this through in the morning alright?”

“But that’s just the thing Phil! I don’t need to think this through, my videos are shit and obviously they’re not going anywhere so why continue?”

“Well do you like doing them?” Phil asked, he was being very calm about this whole ordeal which just further enforced Dan’s idea that Phil was far too good for him.

“Yeah, I guess but they’re so much work and people always ask me to make the faster but I can’t and it’s fucking frustrating and hard and I really should be making them faster because we can barely afford this place as it is and it’s not fair to you for me to not make more videos and I should just go get a real job so that I can at least be a little bit useful because my videos are shit and it’s a miracle that I have this many subscribers to begin with.” Dan said sighing and sitting back on the couch, as far away from Phil as he could be.

“Dan, you shouldn’t be doing these videos for anyone other than yourself, don’t worry about what other people think or that they want you to upload more, it’s okay.” Phil said crawling over to where Dan was hunched up in a ball and pulling him into his arms, wrapping them around him as tight as he could. “It’s okay Dan, I promise you it’ll be fine. You can take a break from making videos or stop altogether, but I don’t want you to do that if you won’t be happy. I want you to do what will make you happy because that’s all that should matter. If quitting YouTube and going back to university and getting your degree in law is going to make you happy than I support you a hundred precent. But if taking a year out or quitting uni altogether and doing YouTube for as long as you can is what you really want to do I think you should.”

“But what about afterwards?” Dan mumbled.

“What do you mean afterwards?”

“What about after I can’t do YouTube anymore because I’ve lost subscribers or because it’s just not getting enough money? Then what do I do?”

“Dan, that’s not going to be happening anytime soon, you’re about to hit a hundred thousand subscribers and you’re not really showing any signs of slowing down. Besides, your videos are amazing and everyone loves them, you have nothing to worry about for a long long time okay?”

“But we can’t keep doing this forever, eventually we will have to get actual jobs and what if no one wants to hire me?”

“Dan, you’re twenty years old, you shouldn’t be worrying about this yet. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it but for now lets just focus on making you happy okay? Do you want to quit YouTube or not?” Phil asked.

“I don’t,” Dan mumbled, “I just want to be able to upload whenever I want and not have to worry about what other people will think.”

“Then don’t, don’t tell them that you’re going to post weekly or every two weeks or anything like that, just upload when you want to upload and don’t worry about what other people think. You’re amazing Dan, you’re so smart and talented and wonderful and I hate seeing you like this because I love you so much and I just want you to be happy.” Phil said leaning down and kissing the top of Dan’s head.

“You’re really too good for me you know that right?”

“You keep saying that but I don’t know where you’re getting that from, just because you’re going though a tough time and I’m there for you doesn’t mean that I’m too good for you, it just means that I care about you and want you to get better as quick as possible. And I know you’d do the same for me so it’s really not me being too good for you, it’s me being perfect for you. Because we kind of are perfect for each other Dan, so don’t you ever worry about me leaving you, because it’s never going to happen, you’re stuck with me forever.”

“You promise?” Dan asked, trying to hide his smile in Phil’s side and failing miserably.

“I promise love, now how about I make you some hot chocolate and we go to bed, it’s been a long day for both of us.”

“Okay, I love you so fucking much.” Dan said as he started to get out of Phil’s lap.

“I know, I love you too.”


End file.
